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    Username Post: ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2012 EUROPE        (Topic#921191)
    Harry Tuttle
    Journeyman KnifeNut!
    *
    03-24-12 12:37.52 - Post#2455058    



    Moderators. If this is too political in nature, please feel free to remove it.

    ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2012 EUROPE : BY JOHN CLEESE

    The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

    The Scots have raised their threat level from "angry Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

    The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

    Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

    The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

    Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

    The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

    Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

    -- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person

    A final thought Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC.

     


    brianWE
    Member
    *
    03-24-12 12:50.26 - Post#2455066    


        In response to Harry Tuttle

    I liked it

    If that means anything
    Brian W Edginton
    I do not believe that the law should be used
    to enforce Political Correctness.

    However, I DO approve of the use of mob
    violence to educate rude, ignorant people.








     
    brianWE
    Member
    *
    03-24-12 16:33.49 - Post#2455126    


        In response to brianWE

    Of course, Australia hasn't been in Europe for quite some time...but the assessment is pretty right.
    Brian W Edginton
    I do not believe that the law should be used
    to enforce Political Correctness.

    However, I DO approve of the use of mob
    violence to educate rude, ignorant people.








     
    Garrett1
    Master Member KnifeNut!
    *
    03-25-12 15:52.19 - Post#2455408    


        In response to brianWE

     
    brianWE
    Member
    *
    03-26-12 11:57.09 - Post#2455677    


        In response to Garrett1

    And, he left out the first level of alert in Oz..the Amber Alert..."time for a beer, mate!".
    Brian W Edginton
    I do not believe that the law should be used
    to enforce Political Correctness.

    However, I DO approve of the use of mob
    violence to educate rude, ignorant people.








     


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